Friday, September 5, 2014

Are You a Pufferfish or a Swordfish?

Hey all,

I know the title is a little weird but it's my way of slipping you into one of my mad moments of traveling.  I thought you'd all enjoy what happened to me one day on the way home from the movies.

Before I do, let me remind you all that I am a writer.  Which usually means I work alone.  I'm much happier wandering alone in the woods than pushing my way through a crowd, even if it's in a beautiful interesting city.  In fact, I'm of the belief the world would be much better place if there were fewer humans in it.  LOL

So, knowing I don't play well with others, understand too that each time I go out into a crowd I would much rather be climbing a mountain or wading in an ice cold stream.  Alone.

But to do some things I have to go out into the world.  And I've learned to suck it up and make the best of it.

Now for the story...

As you know, we don't have a car down here so we take public transpo.  Mostly metro and it's usually a nice way to get from place to place.  The buses are okay, too, but it's difficult to know when to get off since most cities don't have their bus stops marked on maps.  (idiots)

So, the metro for us 90% of the time.  And we've learned NOT to take it at certain times.  Like when everyone and their brother are getting off work.  But we thought we were safe when we headed down to the metro last night around 6:30.  An hour and a half (we thought) after work day's end.


We should have known when we saw all the ^%#*^$%& people in the station.  But we'd been walking all day and were tired.  We didn't want to walk the mile back to the hotel, so we got in line and headed downstairs to catch the subway.

Sweet Baby Jesus there were soooooo many bodies.  Everywhere.  Pushing and shoving and looking at me.  Like they thought it was okay to be in my space.  I hate people like that, you know?

We had to wait three times to get on a train.  Though part of that was me just watching in amazement as grandmas older than dirt pushed their way onboard.  It was like a Youtube video of those places in India.  Truly scary.

We only got on because a completely empty train arrived.  Jonathon said they had to do that every once in a while or no one would get home.  So on we jumped and since we only had a couple of stops to go, I thought we were in the clear.  No worries.  How much more crowded could it get?

I'm not sure if it was all the popcorn I'd eaten at the movie or I was just having a major blond moment, but I was a total idiot.

The next stop I swear, a thousand people got on.  Crowding and shoving.  Luckily, I saw them coming, so we scooted over next to the door so we'd have it easy when we wanted to get off at the next stop.  We were so crowded I swear I could see up the nostrils of the guy standing next to me.  And I REALLY hope that was Jonathon's hand on my ass.  Really, I'm going to believe that.

But we were in and on our way and all of us holding our collective breaths.  I thought again, how much worse could it be.

Did I mention being an idiot?

But this time it wasn't the crowd around me.  When the subway came to a stop and we made to get out, that's when all HELL broke loose.  And I swear it wasn't my fault.


The car stops and the doors open and there are like a gazillion people waiting to get one.  Jonathon slides out and I follow him, but before any of us are out the door, this heifer of a woman tries to force her way in between us.

Oh no she didn't!

Really?  If you want room to get on, let ME get off first!  But not this cow.  She was pushing her way in and I must admit, me and my friend claustrophobia just snapped.  I couldn't puffer fish (think what a puffer fish does and you'll see what I mean)--we were all too crowded, so I did the next best thing I could to stop her from forcing me back onto the train.

I made like a swordfish and kinda poked (elbowed) her in the face.

She screeched and backed up and I took immediate advantage of her lapse and scooted around her before pushing her back into the multitudes.  I think I heard her curse at me before she was swallowed into the crowd.  I tried to feel bad about what I'd done, but at  the risk of sounding like an eight year old, "SHE STARTED IT!!!"  As the train pulled away, I saw her staring at me through the window.

Honestly?  I think her face looks much better that way.  All swollen and red and bruised. Maybe she'll think twice about being so damn rude and pushy.  And I bet she won't ever mess with THIS puffer / swordfish again.  Stupid, stupid heifer.  *grumble, growl*

Hey!  Maybe with my mad skills I'll take up roller derby?


Until next Friday!

CJ England

Follow Your Dreams


Ray said...

Sounds like a very disorganized system.
Were those people in uniform pushers to get everyone one before the door closes? I've heard some subways have them.

CJ England said...

Yeah. But it's more the people than the system. The system itself is pretty good, like many others we've used. But they haven't trained the people how to get on and off.

They do have attendants to help at each stop who can and will do what the pic does, but I've not seen it as bad as in the pic I found on the internet. That's probably one in Asia.

Phylis said...

Wow! I would have been in panic mode...afraid of being separated. Michael would have looked at the crowd and said, "No Way In Hell are we going down there! We are walking!" He hates crowds! lol I bet she has pushed her way on for years and you were the first person to ever get in her face! lol GO CJ!!

CJ England said...

Yeah, Phylis, it was pretty insane. I mega hate crowds and Jonathon is pretty good about getting me out of them. This time we didn't have much of a choice, we were so exhausted.

I hope she learned her lesson. I'd hate to have to break her face again. LOL