Monday, June 18, 2012

Parents!!!! Control Your Children!!!

Hey all,

Okay.  I'm ranting today.  Sometimes a rant will just grab you by the throat and not let go.  And when it happens again and again...well then it's blogging time. What am I talking about this time?

Kids who are out of control.

Seriously, parents...WTF???  Did something change in the last few years and it's okay to have your little Suzie or Johnny run amok?  Or are you just too fricking lazy to get off your butts and discipline your child?  Where is it now written that kids don't have to respect anyone or anything around them?

I've seen it time and time again when we're out and about.  Kids running around in grocery stores pulling stuff off shelves, brats racing through crowds laughing in glee as they goose people on the way by, or even something as disgusting as when you are eating in a fast food place, the children at the table next to you are throwing their food at each other while parents blindly ignore them.

Now I'm not talking about toddlers here.  Small kids who when you see this, you usually smile and shake your head.  In EACH case above, these kids were at the youngest, seven or eight.  Far past the age where they know right from wrong.  So where the hell are the parents?  Why aren't they doing their f*cking jobs?????

Don't get me wrong.  I love kids.  I have three of my own.  Not only did I raise them, I homeschooled them, so you KNOW my children were disciplined.  It's impossible to teach without it.  So I figure I have a good handle on how to keep your kids under control.

While they aren't perfect--God knows they are not even on the planet of Perfect--they were taught to respect and be aware of those around them.  So if I can do it and I'm just an ordinary MOM, why the hell can't everyone else????

Case in point.

I'm in the pool exercising Sunday morning.  (No, I'm not wearing a tiger suit.  I just loved the picture) I do my laps and try to get there early enough so there are few, if anyone there.  But it's a weekend, so I expect to share the pool.  I get about half my workout done and a woman and her son come in.  He's about 10.  The first thing he does is grab my kickboard.  I'm okay with that because the only one I could find has Thomas the Train on it, so it's a kid magnet.  I tell him it's mine and he ignores me.  Language barrier.  I'm okay with that, too.  So his mom talks to him and he makes a sad face and puts it back.  Everything is cool.

Until he gets in the pool.  Honestly, I've done laps in pools all over the world and there is an unspoken rule that if someone is doing laps you try and stay out of their way.  It's bloody common courtesy.  One of the first thing I taught my kids, and I blistered their hides if they were careless about it.

But in the last few years I've seen this change.  And so it was that morning.  No one cares about being courteous.  They just care about themselves.  Little Ivan--he sounded Russian, so that's what I called him in my head--jumped and splashed and NOT ONCE did he look to see where I was when he did it.  And NOT ONCE did good old mum get her head out of her phone and watch her child.

After a few minutes, the uncle and dad came in and they brought a ball for him to play with.  OMG!  Can you see where this is going?  Yep!  Now not only was I being splashed and run into, I was being targeted by a ten year old wanna be European Cup winner!  AND now I had THREE BLOODY ADULTS ignoring the whole thing!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaah....  Come on, parents!!!  Control your child.  It's not hard.  You just teach them right and wrong.  You tell them YES, when they do good and you tell them NO, when they screw up.  It won't break their little psyche.  It shouldn't send them to a psychiatrist couch. They may get mad, but you're a parent--having your kids mad at you is part of the job. And, in fact, learning these lessons, as painful as it may be for all of you, will make them a better person.

So stop being afraid and discipline your child.  It's not a dirty word.  Do you even know what it means?  This is taken from the online version of the Merriam Webster Dictionary.

Definition of DISCIPLINE

1: Punishment
2: Instruction
3: A Field of Study
4: Training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character
5: a: control gained by enforcing obedience or order, b : orderly or prescribed conduct or pattern of behavior, c : self-control
6: A rule or system of rules governing conduct or activity 

See?  It's not only about punishment.  In fact, that's only ONE of six definitions.  Discipline is instructing, training, and teaching an orderly pattern of behavior.   It's teaching your kids SELF-CONTROL.  Better yet, it's SHOWING them that self-control.  Because children learn most from what they see.  And if they see you ignoring common courtesies, then they will too!  So pull up your big girl panties or big boy jockey briefs and get a clue!!!!

Do you have a specific rant about this?  Go ahead and share your pain! We'd all love to hear it.

Until Wednesday...

Hugs,

CJ England
 http://www.cjengland.com/home/domeafavor100x154.jpg
Follow Your Dreams
http://cjengland.com
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CJsaysFollowYourDreams/



31 comments:

Phylis said...

You so hit that on the nose CJ! We see it a lot in the store and also out in the general public. I have seen some temper tantrums that you would not believe! Over the weekend there is this guy who comes in with his 3 children. I think the youngest is maybe 2 while the oldest is probably 7 or 8. He has no and I mean NO control over them. They are all over the place. Half way across the store (our store is probably about 3 blocks long in length) touching, playing messing around. One of the boys had a popsicle and started to eat it as I'm walking past him and then I notice the wrapper on the floor. So I ask the girls up front if they had checked out a popsicle and they had not. One of my coworkers found the wrapper and I said I could show her who it belonged to. Our manager happened to be back in the same area and the guy was checking out but did not have the wrapper of course. So they were talking to the kids and he came over and mumbled something and then went and paid. Meanwhile all the kids are now running here and there. It just amazes me. My kids were not allowed to leave my side until the were in there teens! One of my co-workers told me of a story where the family was checking out and the kid had some thing that they weren't going to buy. Dad said put it on the shelf, the kid tossed it up in the air and it landed on the floor...Dad said good job and they left. REALLY?! You are teaching your kid to be an a**. Wow! There are so many that I will stop with those two. *SIGH* I won't mention the kids running around the nursery yard, pushing the carts into everything, playing under the racks where the fertilizer is...oops. LOL!

Ray said...

CJ,
The parents must have done something. Was the lifeguard intimidated by parents who jump on anyone who doesn't believe their kids could do anything wrong.

One our neighbors buys beer for her underage kids, lets them smoke dope and allows their thug friends to hang out in their yard and garage. Yesterday one of the friends cut across my lawn and those of three other families to get to the dope house. A group of them once destroyed my mail box post. I confronted them and the boy who lives there. He once destroyed a computer that was left for anyone who wanted it. His mother denied that and said he doesn't do things like that. The denial was said to eye witnesses to other vandalism.
The police have been called, not by me, but the stupid gang blames me.
They get away with everything including driving without a license.

Phylis,
At least our Walmart gets down on kids running wild and not sitting properly in shopping carts. The reason being, the child of a Walmart worker tried to climb up on a furniture display. The display fell on him and kill him. Ever since they have been safety conscious. It affects their bottom line if someone sues.

MJFredrick said...

Yeesh! My recent encounters aren't as bad but I hate going to nice restaurants and hearing kids screaming while the parents sit there. I have a son who went to many restaurants as a youngster and knew how to respect others.

Shaiha said...

I have NO patience with children that aren't taught to be respectful and I am vocal about it. I have gotten more then one family kicked out of stores, the pool and the zoo. I figure if the parents don't discipline the child then they need disciplined.

Amber said...

One of my favorite signs says "Unattended children will be given an espresso and a free puppy."

Pommawolf Emeraldwolfeyes said...

Hi CJ,

Today was my last day at my job as I'm transferring from Alaska to Washington state. I'm finally getting a chance to catch up on my favorite blogs, and wow have you nailed it spot on. I've raised my kids. They are grown adults, and if one of them pulled the behavior I see today they wouldn't have seen the inside of a store or a public place until they learned their manner and "respect" for others and property period.
I work in a store that has a deli, and again this last week I had to step up to a parent and ask them to please pay attention to their children as the salad bar is NOT a sandbox for them to play in. I finally had enough and told the mother that every time someone puts their fingers into the food it has to all thrown away, be taken apart, sanitized and restocked all over again. She has the idiocy to comment.."So what?" I had to explain to this person that every time that happens your prices go up.
Where do these people come from? The older I get the more pissed off I get. The rest of the world should have to explain simple courtesy, manner and politeness to grown adults. It makes you want to smack the parents and their parents. WTF is exactly right!

Darcy

Pommawolf Emeraldwolfeyes said...

I love Shaiha & Amber's comments...I so agree!

Darcy

P.A.Brown said...

My oldest brother had a son about a month after I had my daughter. I never had another, but they had two more. It was a nightmare to eat with them at a restaurant. The kids would do whatever they wanted, smear their food, throw it, speak loudly, the whole gamut.

I think the lack of common courtesy and the me-me-me attitude is growing. I live in Canada, which is well known for its politeness, but even here, people have grown ruder. And you're right, it's not coming from the kids so much as the lack of parental control. I believe it's because they're selfish. They want to go to dinner, the movies, shopping, and drag the kids along, then ignore them while they run amok. I'd also hazard a guess that if anyone was to say something to one of those kids or their parents, the parents would erupt and tell you to leave their baby alone.

It does not bode well for the future.

Ray said...

Probably it wasn't that kid, but the mother that could use a little discipline. When did it get to the point that people like that can't be banned from the store? I used to have to fill prescriptions for ADHD back when it was just called hyperactivity. I also worked in an adolescent unit in a mental health hospital. In both cases the parents were the ones who should have been medicated. One eighteen year old young woman never lost a point, never said anything she should not have, never did anything wrong, yet when her father came to visit her he did nothing, but harangue her from the time he arrived until he left. He was completely out of control.

Where in Washington are you going? I am from Eastern Washington. My sister and a first cousin live in Seattle. I don't miss my home, but I love Seattle and the rest of the coastal cities and towns.

Shawn said...

I agree with everything you said, but there is a small problem. Parents aren't allowed to "blister their child's hide" anymore. Would you beleive there is a case that's been all over the news about the preacher that disciplined his teen ager and she called 911. He spent the night in jail. While I don't agree with capital punishemnt for evry offense, sometimes I think it's necessary. All I had to do was give my kids "the look" and that was all that was needed.Parents also give their children too many grown up priveldges. I NEVER allowed my children to call an adult by their first name. Mr, Mrs or Ms was ALWAYS required and I don't allow other peoples children to call me by my first name. It's all about respect.

Shawn said...

Sorry about the typo's. That happens when I rant on-line.

ME! said...

How about when a kid gives you the finger (flips the bird, whatever you want to call it) and Mum is too busy speaking on her mobile phone to even know. Problem is, half the time you're too scared to point it out to her in case she flips out and starts going beserk at you for picking on her wee darling!

This is why I have cats. If I want misbehaviour, I can get it from them! LOL

Ayla Ruse said...

Yes, I have seen this so many times, but it still makes my jaw drop when I see a child walk all over the parent. I don't get it. So what if your child is mad at you? I've often told mine that I'm not their friend, I'm their parent, and even if they don't like me, I still love them but what I say, goes. End of discussion. I currently home school 3 boys, and yes, you can do nothing without discipline. Now, at home, they aren't always the angels I want them to be, but they know good and well how to behave when we're in any kind of public setting. I'd be mortified if my kids acted up like I've seen many others. I still shake my head. How can any sane parent take this kind of disrespect?

brynneth said...

It's also a lack of self respect in the child which is being cultivated here. Someone who is not shown respect will not learn to act respctfully, and someone who doesn't understand what it means will not be able to respect themselves. Knowing how to behave is about self respect, not just respect for others.

CJ England said...

Phylis,

Exactly! We're going to be seeing those kids on American's Most Wanted in a few years.

CJ England said...

Ray, You should be able to confront a kid on your own property without fear of the parent going off at you. And in a few years that mom is going to wonder why her child went so wrong...

CJ England said...

MJFredrick,

Children should be able to sit for an hour for a nice meal. Even if it's at Micky D's. Parents need to teach them control.

CJ England said...

Shaiha,

I agree 100%. You shouldn't have to be the parent, but sometimes it's the only way possible. And to have to parent the parents is even more ridiculous!

CJ England said...

LOL Amber. Me too. Have you seen the one that says... Unruly Children Will Be Sold as Souvenirs? LOL

CJ England said...

Darcy, You are so right. I do want to smack the parents. Often and very, very hard! Why should we have to explain courtesy to another adult. Makes me want to scream!

CJ England said...

P.A. I agree. And the future does scare me. If the kids are being raised with such a selfish attitude, can you imagine what THEIR kids are going to be like? *shudder*

CJ England said...

Ray, That story just makes me shake my head. The poor girl. She was the balanced one and she was inside. Scary thought overall.

CJ England said...

Ray, That story just makes me shake my head. The poor girl. She was the balanced one and she was inside. Scary thought overall.

CJ England said...

Shawn, you're right and that's what is making things difficult. There is a poster on FB making the rounds that I love. Here is a link to it.

http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/s480x480/599798_309158202507399_343803807_n.jpg

We should be able to spank our kids. It works. It doesn't ruin them. What we aren't doing is what ruins them.

CJ England said...

Me!

I'm so glad you mentioned the worry if you DO say something, the parents may go postal! Again...learned behavior. If the kid is an ass, look to the parents. Sometimes that's all it takes.

CJ England said...

Ayla, I sometimes wonder if the parents even care if their children are becoming demonspawn, because, I too, don't get how they can allow such behavior.

CJ England said...

Exactly, Brynneth. If you don't understand your behavior is a part of respecting yourself, you're lost. Parents must be the first teachers of this and so often they abdicate their responsibility to others. Or no one.

Ray said...

The kid is in his late teens. He walked past me before I realized what he was doing. I am not sure, but I think he is part of the gang of thugs that hang out four house from me and vandalize the neighborhoods around here. The last time someone called the cops because they spray painted his work van the police did nothing except take a report. We have not had any break ins on our cul-de-sac, but every other in the entire area has had at least one break in. The criminals live here and don't want to do enough to get caught here. The woman who thinks her kid is perfect because he only drinks the beer she buys (he is under age) and only smokes pot at home drove her husband away (the second one) because of her attitude about him disciplining HER kids. She used to at least say hello and wave when she drove by, but not once since I confronted her about his gang destroying the post to my mail box. They were seen doing it. They have torn down a stop sign.

Had I seen that kid before he passed me he would not have gotten that far. Had he said excuse me or something other than walking like he owns the world I wouldn't have been upset. Someday that whole gang is going to get on the wrong end of a violent person who shoots first and asks questions later.

In addition to people not disciplining their kids or being responsible for their visitors some parents don't keep their kids from danger.

In the report on the Sandusky trial one of the defense witnesses was the mother of one of the victims. When asked if she knew what was wrong with her son when he broke down after his mother never found underwear in the laundry in her testimony she answered the prosecutor that she didn't know. When asked why she said she didn't want to know. Sh was afraid if she found out from him that it would upset him as if sexual assault didn't.

CJ England said...

Ray,

~~She was afraid if she found out from him that it would upset him as if sexual assault didn't.~~

Criminey...Ostrich doesn't begin to describe this gal!

Charisma Knight said...

Okay, I totally needed to respond to this post. Just had an incident at the Walmart where the kid shouted obscenities at me in front of his mother! She and I almost got into it because she said she was the one to correct her kid. I told her she was doing a piss poor job at it. Had my kids did that to a total stranger I would have corrected them on the spot and they would be oh so punished, everything they hold near and dear to them, I would have confiscated. You just don't allow your kids to do crap like that!

I really couldn't get over the fact that the mother, while paying for her purchases failed to see and hear her son screaming at the top of his lungs as I walked by. I really think he needed meds the way he was acting, but that's my opinion.

She made it a point to follow me and my mother out of the store just to tell me it was up to her to discipline her child and I told her she was doing a piss poor job at it. Keep YOUR son under control!!! Seriously, now what's to stop him from going up to someone and hitting them in the future??!!

I debated on not saying anything and to just let it go, but that's the problem, parents just let things go until a problem spirals out of control, then you have little hoodlums running amok and knocking folks over the head and robbing them. I have two daughters, two nieces and four nephews and they don't disrespect me at all. When I see them slipping on their manners, I correct them, because that's what you do as an adult. sometimes they want to push you just to see how far you'll go, that's when they get everything they hold near and dear to them stripped away, TV, ipod, phone, anything electronic. Hell, they're lucky they have light in their room. I don't play when it comes to manners because that's not how I was brought up.

That's why I had to say something because I DON'T let children I know get away with acting in this manner.

Yes, this is how it starts folks. Then they have the audacity to get offended when you say something.

I' have seen so many kids disrespecting adults in public and it sickens me. Why is this happening??

CJ sorry for the rant, I've been keeping it in with an exception of a few family members. LOL I get heated. * smh * This just isn't cool.

CJ England said...

No worries, Charisma, rant away. That's what this blog is for this time. And what you said is so true. And I really do worry about these kids later on in life. No respect now means even worse behavior later.