Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The Amazing Differences Between Men and Women

Hey all,

I hope you all had a safe and happy Halloween. Jonathon had to work, but later that night we went to a Chinese Haunted House (they call it a Horror House) We couldn't take pictures inside the house to show you, (the one to the right is similar to what we saw, but I found it online) but we were suitably impressed.

It wasn't the fancy-dancy of Universal's Halloween Horror Nights. It was more like a neighborhood haunted house, but a really well done one.  And I screamed and hollared and enjoyed myself thoroughly.

Many of the other women (girls) were doing the same. And all the men (boys) had the same look on their faces. Long-suffering. Which made me wonder why they had to act that way when they were so obviously enjoying themselves. Enjoying the scariness of the place and enjoying the fact their ladies were hanging all over them.

But they couldn't act as if they were. All had that If-I-had-a-choice-I'd-be-somewhere-else look in their eyes, yet you knew they were the ones who'd wanted to come in the first place.

Ahhh...the amazing differences between a man and a woman.

So, as it usually does, it made me start thinking and dreaming and suddenly there was this blog. Just why are men and women so different? Is it the wiring? The upbringing? Choices? Or a bit of all three?

So, over the weekend I started a list. And found myself giggling hysterically.  It wound up being a list of those differences between men and women that really don't make sense.  Ready?  Here we go...

1. Everyone knows about this one. The dreaded toilet paper roll. I mean, I know there are men out there that actually know how to put a roll on the dispenser so don't throw rocks, but seriously... It isn't rocket science, yet the average man can't or won't put it on.

I thought maybe I was wrong, and it was a mutual thing, but then we moved away from our kids in Florida. My sweet baboo and I were on our own. And the truth came out. My darling hubby wouldn't know how to put that TP roll on if it meant his life. I mean, if one was used up, he might take a new one out of the cupboard, but he'd still not put it on the dispenser, and over here all you do is slide the silly thing on. No muss, no fuss. So why the hell can't he put the thing on himself???

Ahhhh, the differences between a man and a woman.

2. Let's talk about getting groceries.  Why is it that I ask Jonathon to go to the store to pick up something and he'll come home with everything BUT the one item I requested.  I mean, how does, "Honey, can you grab a jug of milk on your way home?", translate to chips, salsa, wine and that candy bar?  And then he has the nerve to give me that grin of his, the one that always makes me melt, and say, "but Ladybug, the candy bar has milk in the chocolate."

So I force a smile and ask him to make a list next time.  Well, you'd think I stabbed him through the heart.  I guess making a list is sorta like asking for directions and we all know  men can't do that!  So, of course he doesn't...and he forgets the milk a second time.   And then wonders aloud why I didn't go get it in the first place.  That's when I reach for my gun.  No jury would convict me.  Not if they had breasts.

Ahhhh, the differences between a man and a woman.

3. Are you ready yet?  The cry heard round the world when it's time to go out for dinner.  Now, I just don't get it.  A man can live with you for 26 years and STILL not understand it takes longer for a woman to put on her underwear than it takes for him to be completely ready.  So why is it that so often he gives you less than a heartbeat to get ready?

I mean I've learned his tricks.  So I always ask.  When are we going to leave?  I know how long it will take me to get fancied up, so I plan accordingly.  Yet he will still come in, always a half an hour earlier than he'd originally told me, when I'm just finishing my hair and say in this totally serious voice.  "Aren't you ready yet?"  It's a wonder I haven't stabbed him with my mascara wand, it's so bloody irritating.

Ahhhh, the differences between a man and a woman.

4.  And finally, let's talk about laundry.  Where was it written that the only proper place for clothing is on the floor?  I mean, seriously...we have drawers.  We have a closet.  So why is it I find more clothes on the floor, bed and in the tub than I find anywhere else?

Now my sweet baboo doesn't take off clothes and trail them through the house on his way to the shower.  He's not that bad.  But I don't think he would know where his shoes are to go if I engraved it on his manly forehead.  I trip on them all over the house.  And when he takes off the boxers he wears for jammies, can he hang them on his own hook behind the door?  Nooooooooo....he's gotta hang them on the one that already has my clothes on it.  So they all fall off.

How hard is it to a) pick up your clothes and put them in the basket.  b) hang those clothes where they belong or c) make sure your shoes, briefcase or backpack isn't a road hazard?

Now of course, if you try and communicate any of this to your man, he just gives you the look.  You women all know the one I mean.  The are-you-serious-or-are-you-crazy-and-need-chocolate look.  And that takes us into yet another area of war between men and women....the C word.  Communication.

And I'm not brave enough to deal with that. 

So that's it.  A few ways men and women are so different.  I know I haven't even touched the tip of the proverbial iceberg.  And I'll bet you all have other ideas.  I'd love to hear them.  Put them in the comments below.  Who knows...maybe I'll get a blog out of it sometime!  LOL

You all have a wonderful hump day and don't forget.  Come on back on Friday where my guest blogger Johnny Miles will share his look at the world.

Hugs to all,

CJ England  

Follow Your Dreams


Phylis said...

I used to think of hubby as being more of a neat freak than me. I mean look at my! But I will come home and he has changed his clothes and there they are on the floor by the bed. Or he has gotten breakfast and there is the box of cereal on the He definitely buys groceries differently than I do. It's just amazing but probably a good thing we are different. How boring would it be otherwise?

CJ England said...

Jon isn't a pig, but he is a normal man. And he does the cereal thing too. Makes me crazy, but I love 'em.

Carly Carson said...

I'm married to the pack rat. So his bureau drawers are full of clothes he never wears (don't fit, out of season, last saw the light of day when Clinton was in office). Which means he has to pile the clothing he does wear - on top of the bureau. In a big leaning tower of neatly folded (by me) clothes. For good measure, he takes off his pants every night, and hangs them over the front of the bureau so no one can get to the 2 drawers he does use (socks and undies).

Good thing he has other good points!

CJ England said...

Hey Carly,

And I'll bet if you made mention of getting rid of any of those unworn clothes, he'd look at you like you'd just smothered a kitten. Right?

Oh yeah. Do I know that one. Jonathon had this windbreaker that he'd patched so many times it looked like the coat of many colors. I begged him to get rid of it, it was so ugly.

It still hangs in our closet at home. Now, it's a bloody keepsake.

philmin9 said...

I can explain why we come home with everything but milk. Think about it, what does milk get you? cold cereal. What does wine and chips and dip get you? I'll let you answer that one by yourself.

CJ England said...


ROTFLMAO OMG...the answer finally comes out. That is perfect!!!!!

Pat Brown said...

I swear every time I read one of these articles I wonder what female gene I'm missing. I DO know how to replace the roll of toilet paper, but I almost never do -- I put the roll beside the toilet. I'm a lot more likely to dump my clothes on the floor instead of in the drawer or closet and sometimes I'll put the dirty ones in a separate pile, but sometimes I won't. I do make lists and if I remember it when I go to the grocery store I'll usually actually get what's on the list. Otherwise I might forget the milk too.

I will ask directions though. Maybe not right away... but I will ask them eventually.

God, I'm really not very feminine. I also have no use for jewelry or make up and I hate shopping -- unless it's in a book store, then it's fun.

CJ England said...


I do understand your pain. I hate shopping, unless it's a used book store, then I'm in Heaven.

And as a kid I was a pig. Then I moved in with someone worse than I was and out of necessity I learned to be a clean freak. LOL

Unknown said...

LOL, OMG, I thought it was only my hubby who did these things. How about this one--you ask him to do a simple thing (like wash the car) and it takes hours! No, not because they are slow, but because they first look at the problem, then assess it, then decide they have to go to the store to buy a new detergent/scrubber/washcloth/hose/etc., then they get home to look at and show off the new buys, then they have to figure out how to use the new toys....and so the day goes by without the car being washed. *L*

Yup, I completely understand.

Shai Williams said...

I guess that I am pretty lucky. My hubbie is actually the one that cleans the house so a lot of the check list he just doesn't do as he will be the one picking it up. But he does hang his clothes right over mine on the hooks in the bathroom and leaves the toilet seat up. Those items are a ongoing battle between us.

CJ England said...


Isn't there a joke that goes around the internet about a guy who has to fix a pipe in his sink or something like that?

He has to go get some washers and winds up going through all this crazy stuff, gets beer to wash away his sorrows, but forgets the washers he went for in the first place. LOL

CJ England said...

LOL Shaiha,

I always tell Jonathon when he complains about having to deal with the toilet seat that at least he won't fall in if I forget and leave it down!

Pretty much shuts him up. LOL

Jennie Andrus said...

My hubby is a bit odd when it comes to laundry...he'll fold his semi clean clothes up and put them in the laundry hamper...and hang up his dirty work shirts next to his clean ones...then expects me to know which are which by sniffing my way through the closet.

I also wonder why a man can open a bottle of beer while standing next to the trash can, and yet put the cap on the counter, or carry it out to the living room and leave it on the coffee table.

CJ England said...


I laughed so hard reading your comment that my sweet baboo had to come in and ask what was so funny.

I can just see you doing the "sniff test" with your head in the closet.

That's a hoot!

And the beer cap thing. OMG It must be a penis thing. Jon does the same thing when he opens a drink bottle. What's up with that????