Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Where Are You Christmas?

Why can't I find you?
Why have you gone away?
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me?
Why can't I hear music play?

My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too?

Hey all,

This Faith Hill song really sums up how I'm feeling about Christmas this year. As some of you may know, this is the first year I'll be away from my kids and it's been really tough on me. I can't bake cookies with my son, Jasiah, or watch White Christmas with my daughter, Jessaca. Or even kabitz with my oldest son, Jeramiah about what the best Christmas music is.

After twenty odd years of being WITH them, sitting in our apartment halfway across the world and not having them shaking presents under the tree (which they do no matter how old they are), it feels like a part of me has gone missing.  Even with Jonathon here--and he is the center of my world-I finally understand what my own mother must have felt like when I flew the proverbial coop.

I really miss my babies.

Christmas is a time of year where the family--or lack thereof--seems to take center stage. You have those people who roll their eyes about the cousins coming for the weekend, and you have those who wait expectantly by the door waiting for Grandma and Grandpa. But whether you are looking forward to the company or not, for most people the holiday season brings forth an outpouring of love, friends and family.

This year since we are going to be alone, we've planned something special to help take our minds off the fact I won't be making Christmas Eve dinner, or watching my kids and critters tear into their stockings on Christmas morning.  Jonathon has them both off, so on Christmas Eve day, we're taking a quick trip over to Hong Kong and visit Disney. Since we usually spend time at Disneyworld this time of year, we figure it will be a way to remind us of that time with our kids.

And then on Christmas day proper, we'll get up (not NICE thing about being kidless  LOL) and once we've had our present unveiling, we'll head into town to see Harry Potter-Deathly Hallows.  We've put it off, once we couldn't make the first showing, so this will be a treat.   Then we plan to have a really great meal at the same place we went for Thanksgiving.  That may change if we hear of somewhere else, but that place (THE MGM) was awesome, so we can't lose if we have our Christmas tucker there.

Then we'll probably go walk around Senado Square and people watch while we walk off our dinner.  It will be a nice time, and if our lifestyle is going to be like this from now on, I guess I'd better get used to it.  But I have to say, right now I'd give all my teeth just to be able to see my kids on Christmas morning. 

But like Faith sings,

My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too?

And I guess it does.  No matter how hard we'd like to have every Christmas like that most special one we might remember, it does change.  And rather than fighting it and wishing for something else, I'll try to be wise and understand that each Christmas is precious in it's own way.

Whether you are up to your ears in bows, wrapping paper, egg nog and cinnamon rolls and surrounded by family, or sitting on your balcony watching the ships roll in as you and your sweet baboo (or babette) sip coffee, open that one special gift and maybe get in a really good Christmas kiss.

Friday, I have Angela Kay Austin here to do a special blog on  networking and looking at goals for next year.  I won't be around to remind you, so please take a minute to drop by and say hi to her. 

But for now, I wish each and everyone of you a most joyous holiday.  Merry Christmas and let the light of Jesus' birth send you the sweetest dreams possible. 



Phylis said...

Merry Christmas CJ! I hope the both of you have a wonderful time doing new stuff for Christmas. Enjoy the movie (can't wait to talk to you about it) and your visit to Disney. Hard to believe it's almost here. Blessings to you and Jonathon.

onmiownnow2 said...

Thank goodness for memories. Christmas's pass by so fast and before you know the kids are all grown and gone. But those memories will always be there in your heart.

BrennaLyons said...

Tamer and I have had many Christmases alone and many with kids. But most of our married life, we've been away from extended family for Christmas. Some years, the Navy kept him away from me...or me and the kids. There is nothing quite as depressing as spending Christmas completely alone, so thank goodness you have your dear one with you. As long as I don't have to go back to completely alone, I think I can handle just about anything at Christmas.

Sounds like you have a great Christmas planned! Nice day.

Oh, and you named one of my favorite songs.


Unknown said...

Merry Christmas CJ!!

Aww honey, I am so sorry you are missing your babies so much. I don't blame you and I won't tell you to stop, but do try to have a nice time with Jonathan--you guys deserve it.

May all your wishes come true,


CJ England said...

Thank you, Phylis.

As soon as we watch HP, I'll let everyone on the list know my thoughts. We just saw Sorcerer's Stone the other night. Wow...they were all so young in it.

CJ England said...


I think memories are what keeps us going sometimes. I was looking through pics last night and just laughing at some of the remembrances.

CJ England said...


I love that song, too, but I had no idea just how hard it would hit me until I heard it on the AOL Christmas radio. (I can't get anything on the radio over here.)

The lyrics were so perfect, they surprised me. But the changing I'm going through in my life is reflected in the song.

CJ England said...


Thank you so much. I know I'll get through it, but it helps to cry on someone's shoulder.

Jonathon helps--of course--but a mamma wants her babies. *sigh*

But a full day of activities will help get me through.

Kelley Heckart said...

I'm sorry you are missing your kids this Christmas. I know it's not the same as family, but going to Disneyworld and the Harry Potter movie sounds like fun. Sometimes a quiet, more intimate Christmas can be something to remember.

Merry Christmas!

CJ England said...

Thanks, CC.

I appreciate it. We had a wonderful Christmas even without the children. Spending it with the love of my life was fulfilling and enjoyable.