Good Sex...Happy Women

Good Tuesday All...

I just saw this really interesting article on my Netscape page. It is called...

3 Mistakes Men Make That Causes Women To NOT Have Sex With…

The title caught my eye...and me being known for some hot sex in my books, I gave it a read. I found it interesting because it focused not on technique, but on emotion...and what happens after the "sex" is finished.

Go take a look, but to summarize, the top three mistakes are rolling over and going to sleep, getting up immediately afterwards and doing something else, and picking up the remote to watch TV and forgetting she is there.

Now, having had all three of these lovely ego boosting things happen to me in the past, I can say the author, Lee Jenkins--who is male by the way--is dead on. When a man shuts down after sex, and that is what he's doing whether falling asleep, leaving or turning on the boob tube, he is saying without words he's done and you don't matter any more.

Is that what he really means? Probably not, but as it's been pointed out in the past, men are a tad different than women, and a smart and loving man will remember that. Just because a man is done and ready to move on, for a woman, an important part of the sex has still yet to happen.

Call it afterglow, post-coital snuggling, or plain old intimacy, for most women it is just as important (and sometimes more) than the actual climax itself.

Say it ain't so!!!!

Sorry guys, I've talked to a lot of women and most say the same thing. The moments after sex are the time to show us we aren't just pieces of meat to dip your wick in. Now comes the special loving that makes what we did...memorable.

All the technique in the world doesn't matter if you leave us feeling as if any two dollar whore would do the same for you.

So what does a smart man do? He reminds himself that sex is a partnership and that all of it is important, and then he teaches himself to take that time to love and cuddle afterwards.

I remember having this discussion once with my own hunky honey. He was the champ of the roll-over. Well, not actually the roll-over. He'd just fall asleep. *smile* On top, under, beside--it didn't matter. When he found his release, his body said, nighty-night.

I will be the first to admit that pissed me off. Where was the afterglow...the cuddling? For a long time I stewed and was hurt, but finally I'd had enough. When he did it again, I let him have it with both barrels.

And I was shocked to find out he was totally without a clue. He wasn't being uncaring or rude. He loved me. But as far as he was concerned, he was doing what was natural. Once the fireworks fizzled, we had a long talk and it was at that point we both began to learn.

I learned not to assume he knew what I needed and he learned he had some studying to do.

That was years ago and it's held us in good stead and when we are intimate, he's learned not only that it's important to snuggle, but he's actually grown to like it and need it. How cool is that?

Now is this always true?

Of course not. Sometimes quickies are fun too. You're on your way out to an important dinner, he gets that gleam in his eyes and takes you hard and fast against the bathroom door. Or you see him at the grill and for some reason that manly stance makes you drool, so you pull him down on the porch and have your wicked way with him while the hamburgers cook.

You may not have time for that post-coital affection that you want, but a smart woman knows that. Take the slap and tickle, give him a bite on the chin and saunter away like you do it all the time.

Give and take in sex, as in any relationship is what make things work. The bottom line here...men need to be more aware of a woman's needs, and women can't be afraid to tell them what those needs are. And the clincher is...listen.

Men, listen and understand that to us you rolling over is the same as if we were having sex and we walked away before you had a chance to orgasm. Coitus Interruptus.

Women, communicate and don't stew in silence. If he doesn't listen than he may not be the man of your dreams. If he does listen and changes his ways, you have a winner.

He's already great at sex, right? Now he's good at making love. And to me, those are two very different things.

For more information on Lee Jenkins and his book Female Orgasms Black Book, click on the title. I think I'm going to pick one up just out of curiosity. He also has other articles that you might be interested in as well, so check them out as well.

Good loving all!

CJ England

Never anger an elf... we have very long memories.

http://cjengland.com/mylari/eyesoffire.htm

http://cjengland.com

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CJsaysFollowYourDreams/

Let's Get Down and Dirty...Really

Do you want to?


Hey everyone,

It's Saturday and before I go work on my current WIP I thought I'd drop by and say hi and talk about a fun spring activity...

GARDENING

Now I know up in some of the US we are still having snow and hail. (sorry about that Northwest) but down here in Florida, baby birds are testing their wings, the trees are all abloom and it's time to get things in the ground. So...are you a gardener or not? Do you have an urge to get down and dirty in a big garden, or do you take care of your urges in pots on the back porch?

I saw this cartoon and laughed.



Some people are REALLY into gardening. For them it is more like a mission than a relaxing activity. I've had gardens of all sizes and loved them, but even though I enjoy the fruit of my labors, I honestly like the doing of it better.

I adore the first feel of warm spring dirt on my hands. To smell the earth and watch the garden come to life. There is something fulfilling about it. Something not easy to describe, yet another gardener will immediately nod their head and say, "Yes, I know just what you mean."

Down here in Florida we live in an association and I'm not allowed to have a real garden. So I've learned a lot about container gardening. I've got flower beds of all colors, pineapple, avocado, and as of tomorrow I'll be putting all my herbs and short season lettuce and spinach in.

It will feel good to get in the dirt again. I wonder if I should do a book about a gardener. I usually choose the creative sort as heroines and a gardener is VERY creative. Just think of the designs and beauty they can give, not to mention the tasty treats for the table.

But for all of you who are still battling the cold of winter, don't give up! Spring is coming. I've seen it, smelled it and felt it. Soon everyone can be getting down and dirty and enjoying themselves.

Oh, by the way...I've got a great article in my latest newsletter about container gardening if anyone is interested. Check it out at...
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CJsDreamtimeNewsletter/

It will be sent to you asap.

Hugs and have a great weekend. And don't forget to go out and get a little dirty. Come on...you know you want to!

CJ England

http://cjengland.com/mylari/eyesoffire.htm

http://cjengland.com

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CJsaysFollowYourDreams/

When Is It All Too Much?

Hey all,

Have you heard about the latest with JK Rowling taking a publisher to court because they are publishing a lexicon about Harry Potter's world? It all started with a website where Harry Potter fans can get together and discuss everything Harry. They talk about the books, the characters and what might have been. It was a place where even JK enjoyed hanging out. Or at least she did until she found out the owner was publishing a lexicon about her books.

Now according to the Webster's Dictionary, the word Lexicon means...

...1: a book containing an alphabetical arrangement of the words in a language and their definitions : dictionary
...2 a: the vocabulary of a language, an individual speaker or group of speakers, or a subject b: the total stock of morphemes in a language.

So that sounds like it means he is taking her world, words, special language and plotline and putting it together in one volume that can be referred to as needed for clarity.

She feels as if what he's doing is "stealing her words".

You can read more about this at http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080414/ap_en_ot/harry_potter_lawsuit and about a gazillion other places on the web.

Apparently, the publisher and author says it's okay to do because "it was used for some greater purpose, such as a scholarly pursuit." Rowling says "it is nothing more than a rearrangement" of her own material and should be stopped.

So...is what this guy doing, plagiarism? He's obviously using JK's words in his own work. But he's crediting them all to her. So has he gone over the line? Or is he really going to "enhance the reader's pleasure" by making this thing?

After all the uproar about Cassie Edwards and the famous ferret papers, here is another situation that is similar, yet different. Plagiarism seems to be an ongoing problem for authors, but how can you tell what is and what isn't when even the BIG GUYS can't figure it out.

I swear...it's enough to make even a wizard confused, let alone a muggle.

So what is your opinion? Should the courts favor the author who wants to keep copyright on her own work? Or should they allow the lexicon since it is only meant as a companion book to help those who enjoy the wonderful world of Harry.

All opinions are welcome.

CJ England

Never anger an elf... we have very long memories.

http://cjengland.com/mylari/eyesoffire.htm

http://cjengland.com

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CJsaysFollowYourDreams/

Authors Behaving Badly - Oh My!!!

Well,

I don't consider myself one of the MEAN GIRLS, but when I read about different authors behaving badly, I just shake my head. I mean, as authors we are in the public eye. It makes me cringe when I see authors shoot themselves in the foot by doing something immoral, illegal or just plain stupid.


There is a brouhaha (love that word) right now over at Dear Author about a certain author who has taken the whole freedom of speech thing a little too far. This thread is already up to close to 400 comments, so be aware, but the bottom line is the author used less than kosher means to keep her reviews on Amazon at a five star level. To the extent where she asked her buds to click on the 'not helpful' button at Amazon so the reviews that were less than stellar were removed.

When a reader's review was removed and the reader got wind of it and reposted it, this author was really nasty about the whole situation. I won't go into detail here, as it's all written out at Dear Author but let's just say this is where her behaving badly came to light.

Now, is this author the first who has shot herself in the foot? Unfortunately, no. It seems a week doesn't go by without some drama. Now, don't get me wrong. Sometimes an author does need to speak up. I've done it myself. (NCP problems, MGP, debacle and SV atrocities) But there is a difference between standing your ground and making an idiot of yourself.

The world wide web is like a big watercooler and if you do something, especially of the shooting-the-foot variety, it will be known. Authors should take note. Don't air your dirty laundry in public unless it's something you want everybody and their brother to know. A simple enough idea, but one that seems to escape a lot of people.

Railing at your publisher (not righteous concern, but crazy wild rants), bitching about other authors, immoral or illegal activities, or lying are just a few ways to make those around the internet watercooler start whispering. And trust me, once it starts, it can't be stopped. Google and other places have cache ability, remember? Even last year's nutty behavior can be searched out and re-examined. Too many of those and a pattern starts to emerge. One that can literally ruin a career.

So learn from the mistakes of the few, the weird, the bat-shit crazy and remember, readers like to read. And while most enjoy learning a little about their favorite author, I doubt anyone wants to listen to diatribes and rants about things that have nothing to do with them. And for the sake of every other author out there, don't treat readers with condescension or disdain. They are important to us authors. Pissing them off is a sure fire way to make sure your name goes down in a blaze of something...but it won't be glory!

Take care and I'll see you again on Tuesday!!!

CJ England

Never anger an elf... we have very long memories.

http://cjengland.com/mylari/eyesoffire.htm

http://cjengland.com

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CJsaysFollowYourDreams/

Sex Scenes - Fantasy or Real Life

Hey all,

It's been a while since I blogged here, but I wanted to have a place where I could chat to my readers. My FREE READ is taking up my Live Journal Blog Spot, so here we are.

So, what's the first topic I plan to speak of? Since I am a romance writer who pens sexy, emotional reads, I thought I'd start with a fun topic.

Sex Scenes... Are they real or fantasy?

My bet is the answer lies somewhere in between.

Now one of the reasons people like my work is that the sex scenes between the hero and heroine are both believable and emotionally fulfilling. This is very important to me because I've read books that had one or the other and because of it, I, as a reader was left with a bad taste in my mouth. As if something was missing and I couldn't quite enjoy what I just read.

Now, a lot of people will say that what is written in most romance books isn't real life. They can get cranky that the heroine always has an orgasm, or the hero always wants her more than he can breathe. They complain that sex in the morning isn't realistic because in real life there is bad breath, sleepiness or a full bladder.

They might be right. But that, IMHO, is why romance books work. In a book you can do away with all those pesky details or cover them up in a way that is satisfying to the reader. Do sex partners pee in real life. Of course. Do they pee in my stories. Yes. But do my readers really care about that? Probably not.

So let's talk about the sex itself. In all honesty, I write what I want to read. I want to read about a man who so wants his woman he can hardly control himself. I want to be immersed in a scene that is so hot, I have to fan myself while I read. Is it always that way in real life? Again, probably not, but I'm not writing about every time. I'm writing about THIS time.

And because I'm doing that, I can make the scene as sexy, as emotional and satisfying as I want. As I think my readers wish to read. It's a dream...a fantasy to delve into and enjoy. Sex, whether it is between two people who have discovered they love each other, or it's at the beginning of the story as a one night stand...CAN be believable. It's just a matter of putting yourself in the character's place and then doing one simple thing.

Let yourself go and dream!

Thanks for stopping by everyone! See you on Saturday!

Hugs,

CJ England

http://cjengland.com/mylari/eyesoffire.htm

http://cjengland.com

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CJsaysFollowYourDreams/

I'm Thankful for ...Three Days Worth of Stuff!!!

Hey all,

I've been gone for the last two days on a mini vacation. We spent some time in on the coast and had a great time. I needed to get away, and now I'm back and refreshed and ready to go!!!

Now...

Wednesday... I was thankful for being anal. I know that sounds weird, but while on our vacation, we had to deal with some business matters. Jonathon is great at making overall decisions, once he has all the info. He can do it without emotion where I can't get past the emotion. My talent is in being anal about things. Picking it apart until I understand every part of it. In doing so, I get questions answered he doesn't even know he needs and it helps us both. We work very well together.

Anality helps. And it gave us a chance to do something we've wanted to do for a long time. Move forward.

Thursday... I'm thankful for God's beautiful earth. We went over to Ormond Beach where we have a bit of property. It's so nice to just kick your shoes off and look at the ocean. I'm constantly in awe of God when I see it. The colors, the grandeur, the immenseness of it. I never feel alone when I stand there, but I do feel very small. I can sit for hours and just listen to the waves. There is something peaceful and exciting at the same time about it. The beach is one of my favorite places on the planet.

And it gives me a chance to refresh and renew. Jonathon and I walked for miles. Few people over there this time of year. It was wonderful.

Friday... That brings me to today. Today, I'm thankful for my kids. While, as you have often heard me say, I do want to strangle them on a weekly basis, I really adore them. They are each such unique individuals...it's hard to explain how they are all so different, yet raised exactly the same way.

You have Jessaca, who is romantic and dreamy and steady as a rock. (oldest child syndrome), yet she can be as blonde as all get out sometimes, and is my best girlfriend. We can go guy chasing ( we took a special trip to Epcot last week just to check out the new hot guys in France... Can you say ooooo-la-la?)

Then there is Jeramiah, who I joke is me with a penis. He is moody and creative and stubborn as a fricking mule. A two by four to the head is usually what it takes to wake us up to anything. Yet he can write some of the most beautiful lyrics I've ever heard and I've actually featured his ideas in the Second Chances Series.

Lastly...Jasiah, who is just 18 and stretching his wings. Very self contained, smart as a whip and it's tough to know what he is thinking. Yet he can build some of the most intricate light shows I've ever seen, is a graphic artist and often surprises me with a special gift of candy or a meal, just cause.

Each of them are so different, yet very similar in ways. I've never regretted the fact I homeschooled them because it made us closer. Even when they now do things (as adults) I might not agree with, most often, it is because of the fact we have given them the freedom to choose their own paths and follow their dreams.

I can't imagine my life, now or in the future, without them. So thank you God, for the labor of birth, the labor of raising them, and the labor of allowing them to spread their wings and fly. It is painful, hard and beautiful. It is filled with tremendous emotion and is ultimately satisfying.

So I thank you God for giving me the gift of being a mother. Now...give me the strength and the patience to keep on doing it! LOL

CJ England
Second Chances: Waiting in the Wings
http://cjengland.com
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CJsaysFollowYourDreams/
Follow Your Dreams...into a World of Romance and Imagination

I'm thankful for MY CREATIVITY

Hey all,

Thanks for the wonderful response to this thread. I love hearing what other's come up with.

Today I'm thankful for my creativity. Like I said yesterday, I think we all have it. People either choose not to use it, or use it differently. Doesn't matter if you're right brained or left. You can be just as creative using numbers and you can using a paint brush.

I've been creative since I was little. I've done just about every type of art there is...from tole painting to oil painting to throwing pots. I've acted and worked in production in places all over this country. I sang my way through American and Europe with a singing group. (great beer and ice cream, BTW)

But through it all, I wrote. I've got stories (really bad ones) going back to my preteen years. Some I shudder to read, but I grin too. The spark of genius was there...just really, really hidden. LOL

I just found the story I built Mylari: The Eyes of Fire (that comes out next May from Samhain) from in a box. It was rough and crude and actually badly written, but the imagination...the essence of creativity was there.

While I am my own worst critic, I do know I can write and write well. It's not the awards, bestsellers, compliments or publishers who make me believe that (though it helps...LOL) It is just an inner knowing. A feeling of satisfaction that comes over me when I write out a chapter and it flows so great. I know in my inner being, that this was GOOD. But good or bad doesn't really matter...it's the doing that is important.

Creativity and all it is is that freedom to express something inside of us that might otherwise never see the light of day. It's why I shout Follow Your Dreams at the top of my lungs, because I believe everyone has that spark inside them. They are just looking for a way to let it shine!

So...today I am thankful for my creative side...that spark that helps me stand and say...yes...this is who and what I am. It's the reason I can follow my imagination and make it real for all of you to enjoy.

Hugs!

CJ

I Am Thankful For...Our Military

Hey all,

Here is my thankful thought for the day...

I can't imagine what our lives would be like now without the men and women who fought to free America over 200 years ago. More tea than coffee? A queen instead of a president? No...much more than that. We fought for ideals and beliefs that many of us still hold dear today.

Each time one of our men or women take the oath, they are in fact, standing up for you and I. Not just an ethereal USA and some white haired man in a funny suit, but us. Each person in this country. Whether you care or not...they do. They are putting their lives on the line for us.

So...I'm thankful for each and every one of them. The guys on the front lines dodging bullets and seeing horrific sights, the gal in the office who is making sure those soldiers get the ammo, food and medical supplies they need, and the people back in the states who keep things safe on the home front. Each of you is important...each of you is special...each of you is necessary.

It matters not where you are when you read this. You can be in Canada, Singapore, or England. You can be fighting the war in Iraq, or snuggled up with your honey in Jamaica. We all know what I'm talking about. America celebrates our vets today...but we know it extends to all peoples...because we all have fought for our freedom in some way.

And the men and women who have done so, should be honored, respected and thanked.

God Bless You all!

CJ England
Second Chances: Waiting in the Wings
http://cjengland.com
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CJsaysFollowYourDreams/
Follow Your Dreams...into a World of Romance and Imagination

I'm Thankful For MY SENSES...

Hey all,

I want to say thanks to all of you who've written me saying how much they are liking this. Isn't it fun that an idea can springboard into something so wonderful?

Today I am thankful for all my senses. I know that sounds strange, but I just took Ares outside and (don't hate me) It's another beautiful day down here. Sun was warm on my face, I could smell the moonflowers around my window, taste the chocolate coffee I was drinking. I could hear the sound of ducks on the lake behind my house, and see the wild turkeys strutting their stuff in the next yard. Then Jonathon came out to talk to me. He put his arms around my waist and nuzzled my hair and I could sense the love he has for me.

How often do we just go through our days not paying attention to any of those senses? We forget, or take for granted the fact we can see, hear and feel. To watch Ares run up and want me to toss him a stick. To hear the sound of my kids laughing at a cartoon. To smell that special scent that belongs to Jonathon and no one else. If I didn't have those...I could survive...but would my life be as full?

I'm thankful right now, I don't have to find out.

So...what are you thankful for today?

CJ England
Second Chances: Waiting in the Wings
http://cjengland.com
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CJsaysFollowYourDreams/
Follow Your Dreams...into a World of Romance and Imagination

What Am I Thankful For! It's a start!

Hey all,

I've decided to count my blessings. Every day through the end of the month, I will think what I am thankful for. In this crazy world of ours, I think it's important to consider that when you see the horrors of what goes on around us on the 5 o'clock news. So for today...

What am I thankful for?

I'm thankful for the freedom I have to be who I choose to be. I'm thankful that my family and husband support that choice. I'm thankful that no matter what the problems we may have in this great country of ours, I can still choose to be a stay at home mom, have as many kids or pets or chocolate as I want. I can write "Bodice Rippers" or inspirationals. I can serve God the way he and I have agreed, and not as some church says I have to.

I can eat meat...or I can choose a carrot.

I can smoke...or choose not to.

I can play my country music and the only one who complains is the son whose favorite band is called "Death Head"

I can read what I want, watch what I want and go where I want.

Choice...it's an awesome thing.

CJ England
Second Chances: Waiting in the Wings
http://cjengland.com
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CJsaysFollowYourDreams/
Follow Your Dreams...into a World of Romance and Imagination