Tempting Tuesday - Whisper Those Sweet Nothings!!!!

Hey all,

It's Tempting Tuesday on CJ's Blog and all of you who like to think naughty thoughts are welcome to sit on down and set a spell.

Today I'm blogging again about that most interesting of subjects, talking dirty. But not just any talking dirty, but letting it all hang out during sex.

Now, I'm one of those women who like a little hot talk during the deed, but it has to be just right. I don't want it to be too much, or too little. And I don't like certain words to be used.

Now everyone is a little different at what they like and dislike, so I did some research. And I found some very interesting things out there.

At Men's Health there was an interesting little article about the 10 Sexiest Things to Say to a Woman. It did NOT include naming your penis, which I thought quite enlightening. (I could never get excited about being introduced to Mr. Johnson, The Hammer, or Here's Willy!) But they did have a new ideas that I thought were apropos to this discussion.

1. Using the word "You" whenever possible. As they put it... "You" is the hottest word you can say to a woman in bed. "You make me feel so good" instead of "That feels so good." Subtle modification, but big difference in sentiment. We all want to be special and this small change can make that happen. I had never thought about it until this article, but it is very true.

2. Feedback and Compliments: So important and often forgotten in the heat of passion. Let your partner know how his/her hands feel or if something does or doesn't feel good. And don't forget to tell them how much you love their silky skin, or that hard six pack. And you get extra points for saying it after sex! :-)

3. Speaking of which... After-talk is just as important as during. Another great point in the article states... Afterplay is just as important for building arousal as foreplay, and it takes only a fraction of the time. Create sexual anticipation by telling your partner what you're going to do to them next time. It conveys that you care about them and want to satisfy them. And it lets your partner know they are still desirable to you, even after you've had your way with them. For me, this was the most important part of what I read. Sex doesn't stop at the climax. For a lot of people that is just the beginning.

Read more about this at... 10 Sexy Things to Say.


Another article I read was more specific, stating some of the naughty words you can say to turn your partner on. While you might have to find your comfort level on some of these, I can say that in my experience, the rewards are promising! *grin*.

1. "Fuck me now!" Always sets my senses tingling, especially when we've gotten to the hot and heavy part of the evening.
2. "You can have me any way you want. I'm your sex slave for the evening." Not something you want to do too often or it loses its flavor, but a variation on the theme can always be titillating.
3. "I'm naked and I'm touching myself." Really good for phone sex, or if he is out of your sight. Just be careful that your kids are tucked up in bed and fast asleep!
4. "Tie me up and fuck me hard and fast!" For some of you adventurous types, but a little rope work can always make things a little interesting. You don't have to be into BDSM to have some fun.
5. "I want you to touch me here." (Either say it or point it out. Each has it's fun reactions and you can tailor what you do to how your partner reacts.

Now this tip site can be a little raunchy, so if you read the comments do so at your own risk! LOL Check it out at... Love Honey's Sex Tips


And lastly, I read several nice columns about preparing your partner before the actual lovemaking takes place. Just as after-talk is important, so is that pre talking, the whispers as you walk by, or the brief call to let him know you're thinking of him. These can be as sweet or as sexy as you want, but a little talking dirty before hand can really get things started out right.

Anything from calling them up and graphically describing all you are planning to do in wonderful detail, to walking by and brushing your body against theirs, bending down and telling them you love them or want them. This type of foreplay is very individualized and can be a huge turn on to those doing it. Some ideas I found are...

1. Send a tape or voice mail to your significant other explaining exactly what you want them to do to you when they get home. Always be careful about when and where the note might be opened due to the whole embarrassment factor. LOL

2. Kids around? You can still play. Just keep it simple. Drop a sexy word in his ear as you walk by, or remind him bedtime is coming soon. Do it just right and he'll help you get the kids to sleep early!

3. Before anything gets started, put some music on and then play Simon Says. One partner controls the other with foreplay talk. Say the man is the talker and the woman the doer. He tells her to touch herself. She does. He tells her what he wants her to do to him and she does it. It's a mixture of actual play and talk and can be very arousing to both players.

Google around for these different ideas. I found some at InfoSex, AskMen, and Suite101. And if you know of any other ideas to share, now is the time! Leave a comment with your special tips on how to talk dirty!

Thanks for dropping by and I'll be back on a special day...Friday to celebrate my new release coming out from Samhain Publishing. The Mylari Chronicles: Eyes of Fire.

CJ England

Never anger an elf... we have very long memories.

http://cjengland.com/mylari/eyesoffire.htm

http://cjengland.com

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CJsaysFollowYourDreams/

My Top Five Favorite Time Wasters

Happy Saturday everyone!!!

I was going to do a blog about how women like to be talked to in bed, but I decided to put that off until next Tuesday since I'd just done one about sex last Tuesday. Maybe I'll make Tuesday my "Tempting Tuesdays" and talk about all the naughty things that come to mind.

*GRIN*

Anyway... the other day I was sent a website that kept me in stitches for hours. It was the best time waster I'd visited in a long time. There are a lot of places like that, and I decided it would be fun to share with you my five favorites. Ready? Here goes...

5. Kama Sutra Animated

I found this site when I was doing some research for a book. It fascinated me for the simple reason that while I've read several editions of the Kama Sutra, unless you watch a video, it's hard to know exactly how to make certain positions work...if you know what I mean. With the animated pictures, it gives you a pretty good idea on how all the parts are supposed to fit together.

Then there were the descriptions. Done in the flowery verbiage of the ancient world, it is a delightfully humorous read. Check this out...

Ardent young men, do not neglect the preliminaries! Endeavor to satisfy your mistress. Listen to her desires. Some men, carried away by the power of their desire, forget the prelude, only to be surprised when they are pushed away later! Yet it is such a delight to kiss, to caress, to nibble one another... To explore with your hand or your mouth her body, her breasts, her neck, her belly, down to her innermost curves. Fulfilled, the beloved shall return these kisses and caresses wholeheartedly. No part of the beloved's body should be neglected. Her lover shall make it his duty to discover them, to reveal to his mistress all the pleasure she can receive from them.

Good advice no matter the age! I only hope all men might "get it".

Then finally there are the names of the positions. The Cobra, the Black Bee, the Inversion...all different and well explained styles for those who are adventurous. As I said, it's one of my favorite sites and I think not only will you enjoy it, you actually might learn something too!!! http://users.forthnet.gr/ath/nektar/kma/main.htm

4. YouTube
Okay...now admit it. How many of you have wasted time on this very popular video site. As an author I check out all the new trailers, author interviews and such, but I really love to cruise new and strange videos, from the Moonlighting one sent by my good friend Pat, to the sexy skating cowboys that make me giggle.

I've seen singers that knock your socks off to various and sundry comedy acts that will have you rolling on the floor in laughter.

I've seen ordinary people do extraordinary things, and ridiculous people make themselves look even more silly by doing antics they'd never dare let their friends see in person. But put it in a video and suddenly everything is all right.

But through it all we watch them and enjoy each and every bit of it. Youtube can be found at http://www.youtube.com/.

3. MySpace

Need I really say more? I've had my MySpace page for several years now. It's one of those love-hate relationships.

I can't seem to do without the thing, yet all it's foibles drive me crazy.

But there is something addicting about scrolling through the different sites and seeing all the ways people can tout themselves. From professionals to porn stars, singers, writers and stay at home moms, MySpace isn't just for kids anymore. It's a lively community with a lot going on and it can suck away your time faster than a plastic surgeon does liposuction!

Finding friends, reading bulletins, making comments. It can and will take up a good portion of your day if you let it. Want to be my brand new MySpace friend? Check my page out at http://www.myspace.com/cj_england

Want to have your own MySpace page? Sign up at http://www.myspace.com/

2. Blogs

I didn't even know some of these existed until the end of last year. I mean, I read blogs sometimes, but it wasn't until the whole Cassie Edwards plagiarism scandal hit the news that I found out about several of what have been called "mean girl" blogs.

Now, let me say straight off that I have been reading these so called "mean girl" blogs for several months now, and although sometimes things can get a little nasty, the value far outreaches the meanness of anything that is said. I have received interesting and important industry news along with publisher warnings, sometimes painful yet humorous takes on the publishing industry and then some great reviews, fun tips, and just overall silliness.

I have spent literally hours reading threads of dramas that no soap opera fan would ever believe was true, and I've learned new words and their specific meanings...like sock puppet, flying monkeys, batshit crazy and my favorite...fucktard.

As entertainment, these blogs are a lot of fun and certainly excellent time wasters, but they do provide a service that I am grateful for. I have learned a lot and had fun doing it, and that makes these blogs a daily stop on my agenda. Check them out...

Karen Knows Best... http://karenknowsbest.com/
Smart Bitches, Trashy Books... http://www.smartbitchestrashybooks.com/index.php
Dear Author... http://dearauthor.com/
EREC Blog (Emily Veinglory)... http://erecsite.com/blog.html
Mrs. Giggles... http://mrsgiggles.blogspot.com/

There are a few more, but those five will get you started. Enjoy! Or I might have to send out my "flying monkeys" to make you do so! LOL

1. LOL CATS

This site is my number one favorite site of all time. I love these cats and for those who like other animals, they toss in dogs, geese, hamsters and even a rhinoceros and panda.

The captions are wonderful. Some are just cute, others make you think heavy thoughts, but some are hysterical and you'll be wiping away tears of laughter.

I cursed the day I found this site because I now spend wayyyyy too much time there. But these pics are like potato chips. You can't look at just one!!!

Want to waste your own time? Check it out at http://icanhascheezburger.com/ The site is updated often. You can even make your own LOLs and upload them to the site. This site has gotten so popular they are even making a coffeetable book of the CAT pictures.

Who'd a thunk???

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed these five great sites where you can waste time all kinds of time. There are tons more, but these are the ones I use the most right now. I hope you check them all out and have a great time doing so. Now here is YOUR assignment. Share with us your all time favorite place to hang out. If you're going to waste time, we want to know where!!!!

Hugs and I'll see you again on Tuesday for some brand new "Tempting Talk".

CJ England

Never anger an elf... we have very long memories.

http://cjengland.com/mylari/eyesoffire.htm

http://cjengland.com

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CJsaysFollowYourDreams/

Good Sex...Happy Women

Good Tuesday All...

I just saw this really interesting article on my Netscape page. It is called...

3 Mistakes Men Make That Causes Women To NOT Have Sex With…

The title caught my eye...and me being known for some hot sex in my books, I gave it a read. I found it interesting because it focused not on technique, but on emotion...and what happens after the "sex" is finished.

Go take a look, but to summarize, the top three mistakes are rolling over and going to sleep, getting up immediately afterwards and doing something else, and picking up the remote to watch TV and forgetting she is there.

Now, having had all three of these lovely ego boosting things happen to me in the past, I can say the author, Lee Jenkins--who is male by the way--is dead on. When a man shuts down after sex, and that is what he's doing whether falling asleep, leaving or turning on the boob tube, he is saying without words he's done and you don't matter any more.

Is that what he really means? Probably not, but as it's been pointed out in the past, men are a tad different than women, and a smart and loving man will remember that. Just because a man is done and ready to move on, for a woman, an important part of the sex has still yet to happen.

Call it afterglow, post-coital snuggling, or plain old intimacy, for most women it is just as important (and sometimes more) than the actual climax itself.

Say it ain't so!!!!

Sorry guys, I've talked to a lot of women and most say the same thing. The moments after sex are the time to show us we aren't just pieces of meat to dip your wick in. Now comes the special loving that makes what we did...memorable.

All the technique in the world doesn't matter if you leave us feeling as if any two dollar whore would do the same for you.

So what does a smart man do? He reminds himself that sex is a partnership and that all of it is important, and then he teaches himself to take that time to love and cuddle afterwards.

I remember having this discussion once with my own hunky honey. He was the champ of the roll-over. Well, not actually the roll-over. He'd just fall asleep. *smile* On top, under, beside--it didn't matter. When he found his release, his body said, nighty-night.

I will be the first to admit that pissed me off. Where was the afterglow...the cuddling? For a long time I stewed and was hurt, but finally I'd had enough. When he did it again, I let him have it with both barrels.

And I was shocked to find out he was totally without a clue. He wasn't being uncaring or rude. He loved me. But as far as he was concerned, he was doing what was natural. Once the fireworks fizzled, we had a long talk and it was at that point we both began to learn.

I learned not to assume he knew what I needed and he learned he had some studying to do.

That was years ago and it's held us in good stead and when we are intimate, he's learned not only that it's important to snuggle, but he's actually grown to like it and need it. How cool is that?

Now is this always true?

Of course not. Sometimes quickies are fun too. You're on your way out to an important dinner, he gets that gleam in his eyes and takes you hard and fast against the bathroom door. Or you see him at the grill and for some reason that manly stance makes you drool, so you pull him down on the porch and have your wicked way with him while the hamburgers cook.

You may not have time for that post-coital affection that you want, but a smart woman knows that. Take the slap and tickle, give him a bite on the chin and saunter away like you do it all the time.

Give and take in sex, as in any relationship is what make things work. The bottom line here...men need to be more aware of a woman's needs, and women can't be afraid to tell them what those needs are. And the clincher is...listen.

Men, listen and understand that to us you rolling over is the same as if we were having sex and we walked away before you had a chance to orgasm. Coitus Interruptus.

Women, communicate and don't stew in silence. If he doesn't listen than he may not be the man of your dreams. If he does listen and changes his ways, you have a winner.

He's already great at sex, right? Now he's good at making love. And to me, those are two very different things.

For more information on Lee Jenkins and his book Female Orgasms Black Book, click on the title. I think I'm going to pick one up just out of curiosity. He also has other articles that you might be interested in as well, so check them out as well.

Good loving all!

CJ England

Never anger an elf... we have very long memories.

http://cjengland.com/mylari/eyesoffire.htm

http://cjengland.com

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CJsaysFollowYourDreams/

Let's Get Down and Dirty...Really

Do you want to?


Hey everyone,

It's Saturday and before I go work on my current WIP I thought I'd drop by and say hi and talk about a fun spring activity...

GARDENING

Now I know up in some of the US we are still having snow and hail. (sorry about that Northwest) but down here in Florida, baby birds are testing their wings, the trees are all abloom and it's time to get things in the ground. So...are you a gardener or not? Do you have an urge to get down and dirty in a big garden, or do you take care of your urges in pots on the back porch?

I saw this cartoon and laughed.



Some people are REALLY into gardening. For them it is more like a mission than a relaxing activity. I've had gardens of all sizes and loved them, but even though I enjoy the fruit of my labors, I honestly like the doing of it better.

I adore the first feel of warm spring dirt on my hands. To smell the earth and watch the garden come to life. There is something fulfilling about it. Something not easy to describe, yet another gardener will immediately nod their head and say, "Yes, I know just what you mean."

Down here in Florida we live in an association and I'm not allowed to have a real garden. So I've learned a lot about container gardening. I've got flower beds of all colors, pineapple, avocado, and as of tomorrow I'll be putting all my herbs and short season lettuce and spinach in.

It will feel good to get in the dirt again. I wonder if I should do a book about a gardener. I usually choose the creative sort as heroines and a gardener is VERY creative. Just think of the designs and beauty they can give, not to mention the tasty treats for the table.

But for all of you who are still battling the cold of winter, don't give up! Spring is coming. I've seen it, smelled it and felt it. Soon everyone can be getting down and dirty and enjoying themselves.

Oh, by the way...I've got a great article in my latest newsletter about container gardening if anyone is interested. Check it out at...
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CJsDreamtimeNewsletter/

It will be sent to you asap.

Hugs and have a great weekend. And don't forget to go out and get a little dirty. Come on...you know you want to!

CJ England

http://cjengland.com/mylari/eyesoffire.htm

http://cjengland.com

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CJsaysFollowYourDreams/

When Is It All Too Much?

Hey all,

Have you heard about the latest with JK Rowling taking a publisher to court because they are publishing a lexicon about Harry Potter's world? It all started with a website where Harry Potter fans can get together and discuss everything Harry. They talk about the books, the characters and what might have been. It was a place where even JK enjoyed hanging out. Or at least she did until she found out the owner was publishing a lexicon about her books.

Now according to the Webster's Dictionary, the word Lexicon means...

...1: a book containing an alphabetical arrangement of the words in a language and their definitions : dictionary
...2 a: the vocabulary of a language, an individual speaker or group of speakers, or a subject b: the total stock of morphemes in a language.

So that sounds like it means he is taking her world, words, special language and plotline and putting it together in one volume that can be referred to as needed for clarity.

She feels as if what he's doing is "stealing her words".

You can read more about this at http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080414/ap_en_ot/harry_potter_lawsuit and about a gazillion other places on the web.

Apparently, the publisher and author says it's okay to do because "it was used for some greater purpose, such as a scholarly pursuit." Rowling says "it is nothing more than a rearrangement" of her own material and should be stopped.

So...is what this guy doing, plagiarism? He's obviously using JK's words in his own work. But he's crediting them all to her. So has he gone over the line? Or is he really going to "enhance the reader's pleasure" by making this thing?

After all the uproar about Cassie Edwards and the famous ferret papers, here is another situation that is similar, yet different. Plagiarism seems to be an ongoing problem for authors, but how can you tell what is and what isn't when even the BIG GUYS can't figure it out.

I swear...it's enough to make even a wizard confused, let alone a muggle.

So what is your opinion? Should the courts favor the author who wants to keep copyright on her own work? Or should they allow the lexicon since it is only meant as a companion book to help those who enjoy the wonderful world of Harry.

All opinions are welcome.

CJ England

Never anger an elf... we have very long memories.

http://cjengland.com/mylari/eyesoffire.htm

http://cjengland.com

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CJsaysFollowYourDreams/

Authors Behaving Badly - Oh My!!!

Well,

I don't consider myself one of the MEAN GIRLS, but when I read about different authors behaving badly, I just shake my head. I mean, as authors we are in the public eye. It makes me cringe when I see authors shoot themselves in the foot by doing something immoral, illegal or just plain stupid.


There is a brouhaha (love that word) right now over at Dear Author about a certain author who has taken the whole freedom of speech thing a little too far. This thread is already up to close to 400 comments, so be aware, but the bottom line is the author used less than kosher means to keep her reviews on Amazon at a five star level. To the extent where she asked her buds to click on the 'not helpful' button at Amazon so the reviews that were less than stellar were removed.

When a reader's review was removed and the reader got wind of it and reposted it, this author was really nasty about the whole situation. I won't go into detail here, as it's all written out at Dear Author but let's just say this is where her behaving badly came to light.

Now, is this author the first who has shot herself in the foot? Unfortunately, no. It seems a week doesn't go by without some drama. Now, don't get me wrong. Sometimes an author does need to speak up. I've done it myself. (NCP problems, MGP, debacle and SV atrocities) But there is a difference between standing your ground and making an idiot of yourself.

The world wide web is like a big watercooler and if you do something, especially of the shooting-the-foot variety, it will be known. Authors should take note. Don't air your dirty laundry in public unless it's something you want everybody and their brother to know. A simple enough idea, but one that seems to escape a lot of people.

Railing at your publisher (not righteous concern, but crazy wild rants), bitching about other authors, immoral or illegal activities, or lying are just a few ways to make those around the internet watercooler start whispering. And trust me, once it starts, it can't be stopped. Google and other places have cache ability, remember? Even last year's nutty behavior can be searched out and re-examined. Too many of those and a pattern starts to emerge. One that can literally ruin a career.

So learn from the mistakes of the few, the weird, the bat-shit crazy and remember, readers like to read. And while most enjoy learning a little about their favorite author, I doubt anyone wants to listen to diatribes and rants about things that have nothing to do with them. And for the sake of every other author out there, don't treat readers with condescension or disdain. They are important to us authors. Pissing them off is a sure fire way to make sure your name goes down in a blaze of something...but it won't be glory!

Take care and I'll see you again on Tuesday!!!

CJ England

Never anger an elf... we have very long memories.

http://cjengland.com/mylari/eyesoffire.htm

http://cjengland.com

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CJsaysFollowYourDreams/

Sex Scenes - Fantasy or Real Life

Hey all,

It's been a while since I blogged here, but I wanted to have a place where I could chat to my readers. My FREE READ is taking up my Live Journal Blog Spot, so here we are.

So, what's the first topic I plan to speak of? Since I am a romance writer who pens sexy, emotional reads, I thought I'd start with a fun topic.

Sex Scenes... Are they real or fantasy?

My bet is the answer lies somewhere in between.

Now one of the reasons people like my work is that the sex scenes between the hero and heroine are both believable and emotionally fulfilling. This is very important to me because I've read books that had one or the other and because of it, I, as a reader was left with a bad taste in my mouth. As if something was missing and I couldn't quite enjoy what I just read.

Now, a lot of people will say that what is written in most romance books isn't real life. They can get cranky that the heroine always has an orgasm, or the hero always wants her more than he can breathe. They complain that sex in the morning isn't realistic because in real life there is bad breath, sleepiness or a full bladder.

They might be right. But that, IMHO, is why romance books work. In a book you can do away with all those pesky details or cover them up in a way that is satisfying to the reader. Do sex partners pee in real life. Of course. Do they pee in my stories. Yes. But do my readers really care about that? Probably not.

So let's talk about the sex itself. In all honesty, I write what I want to read. I want to read about a man who so wants his woman he can hardly control himself. I want to be immersed in a scene that is so hot, I have to fan myself while I read. Is it always that way in real life? Again, probably not, but I'm not writing about every time. I'm writing about THIS time.

And because I'm doing that, I can make the scene as sexy, as emotional and satisfying as I want. As I think my readers wish to read. It's a dream...a fantasy to delve into and enjoy. Sex, whether it is between two people who have discovered they love each other, or it's at the beginning of the story as a one night stand...CAN be believable. It's just a matter of putting yourself in the character's place and then doing one simple thing.

Let yourself go and dream!

Thanks for stopping by everyone! See you on Saturday!

Hugs,

CJ England

http://cjengland.com/mylari/eyesoffire.htm

http://cjengland.com

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CJsaysFollowYourDreams/