Friday, March 23, 2012

The Lighter Side

Hey all,

We've been in Amsterdam now, just over a week.  I've found all kinds of neat stuff and I'll have lots of fodder for the Lighter Side once I pull it together.  But until then, I've got something else to share.  It should give you a chuckle or two.
My daughter sent me a link a while ago.  She has this favorite website and she thought I'd enjoy it.  I took a look and after just a few minutes I was hooked.  Anyone who has EVER dealt in customer service will relate to this site.  Anyone who has a sense of humor will enjoy it as well.

The site is called, Not Always Right - Funny & Stupid Customer Stories.  They have stories and  also LOLs that share tales about dealing with crazy, confused or just plain stupid customers.  And I thought since today is Friday, this site would be a perfect fit for the Lighter Side.  Let's check out some of my favorites...

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(I work at a store that sells area rugs. We take a fair amount of phone calls from people who have questions regarding area rugs.)

Me: “[Store], this is [name].”
Caller: “Hello? I have a question. Can you help me?”
Me: “Of course, what is your question?”
Caller: “I can’t get it to stay up!”
Me: “Oh…um…okay. What do you mean?”
Customer: “My area rug! It’s old and I love it, but recently I can’t get it to stay up. The…what are they called? Fibers? They are all crushed and won’t stay up!”
Me: “Oh, I see.”
Customer: “I’ve been vacuuming it non-stop on all the different settings. It’s not as stiff and thick as it used to be. No matter how hard I suck, it just won’t stay up!”
Me: *trying to stay composed* “Alright, well that does tend to happen with age. Rugs tend to get pile-crushing after long periods of heavy traffic.”
Customer: “So, you’re telling me I can’t get it up because it’s old?!”
Me: “Yes, ma’am, that is exactly what I’m telling you.”

(I manage to keep it together for the rest of the conversation. However, my manager, who can hear the entire exchange, is cracking-up next to me the entire time. The innuendo was much thicker than her rug!)

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(I am helping a man at the fish department when this happens.)

Customer: “So, goldfish evolve into koi when they outgrow their tank…”
(I look at him waiting for him to say he’s joking, but he’s completely serious.)
Me: “It’s a fish, sir, not a pokémon.”

* * * ~~~~~ * * *

Customer: “Do you know who wrote Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter?”
Me: “Oh yeah…it was the same guy who wrote Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I can show you where it is.”
Customer: “When I first heard about this book, I was shocked! I had to sit there for a minute and see if I remembered any of my teachers mentioning that Lincoln killed vampires.”
(I decide to remain silent while she continues.)
Customer: “You know, the government tries to keep things like this from us. You can tell, because they never mention any of the supernatural things that happen in the news. You know…all those true exorcism and demon movies!”

* * * ~~~~~ * * *

* * * ~~~~~ * * *

(An elderly lady approaches the counter.)
Me: “Can I help you?”
Customer: “Yes, I need some dish bags.”
(Unaware of what dish bags are, I assume she means dish rags.)
Me: “I’m not sure what that is and if we carry it. I would look in the cleaning section.”
Customer: “Well, my doctor said I could get it here.”
Me: “Okay, well I would check that aisle.”
(The customer leaves and returns after a couple minutes.)
Customer: “I didn’t find them!”
Me: “Can you tell me again what it is you need?”
Customer: “Dish bags.”
Me: “And you say your doctor told you to get them here?”
Customer: “Yes!”
Me: “Well, I’m sorry. I’ve never heard of dish bags and I don’t believe I’ve seen anything like that here.”
Customer: “Well, this is ridiculous! What am I going to do?”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, would you like me to ask our pharmacist about them?”
Customer: “Yes!”
(I go get the pharmacist to assist me.)
Pharmacist: “So, what is a dish bag used for?”
Customer: “Jeeze! You clean your lady parts with it!”

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(I am a vampire at a haunted house. My costume includes fangs, a cape, and of course, I am drenched in blood.)

Teenage girl: *looking extremely mad* “What is this?! They got your costumes all wrong!”
Me: *snarling, not dropping character* “You smell delicious…it’s so rare we get fresh victims…”
Teenage girls: “No, no, no! Vampires drink ANIMAL blood! And why aren’t you sparkling?!”
Me: “Your neck…it’s so…inviting—”
Teenage girl: “This is WRONG! You aren’t real vampires!” *stomps away*

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Well, there you have it.  Just a few examples of the laughs I found at this site.  Check it out for yourself by going to  Or, if you want to look at the newest part of the site, the LOLs, go to the EXTRAS page at 

I hope you enjoyed today's offering.  I'll see you on Monday with more news and fun!


CJ England
Follow Your Dreams


Ray said...

OMG. What else can I say. I had a phone call once when I was dispatching ambulances that cracked me up. It wasn't really funny except picturing what happened. Unfortunately when I told the story the next caller yelled because everyone else in the room was cracking up.


Phylis said...

ROFL! Thanks CJ! I just went and lost an hour or more! *grin* Wish I could have some of those rescuers though! lol

CJ England said...

LOL, Ray. I've been in customer service long enough to have seen quite a few really weird things.

CJ England said...

You're welcome, Phylis. I too have spent hours there. I yelled at my daughter for giving me the link. It's as bad as LOLs.

"Nasrudin R" said...

this very good.....

CJ England said...

Thanks, Nasrudin. Glad you liked it!