Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Good Sex -- Happy Women!

Hey all, 

As mentioned in a previous blog, for the first part of the month, due to Chinese New Year and family visiting, the blogs between now and February 21st will be recycled ones but are some of my very favorites.  Enjoy and I'll see you again after my vacation.

Good Sex -- Happy Women!

I just saw this really interesting article on my Netscape page. It was called...

3 Mistakes Men Make That Make Women Not Want to Have Sex With Them

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The title caught my eye...and me being known for some hot sex in my books, I gave it a read. I found it interesting because it focused not on technique, but on emotion...and what happens after the "sex" is finished.

To summarize, the top three mistakes are rolling over and going to sleep, getting up immediately afterwards and doing something else, and picking up the remote to watch TV and forgetting she is there.

Now, having had all three of these lovely ego boosting things happen to me in the past, I can say the author, Lee Jenkins--who is male by the way--is dead on. When a man shuts down after sex, and that is what he's doing whether falling asleep, leaving or turning on the boob tube, he is saying without words he's done and you don't matter any more.

Is that what he really means? Probably not, but as it's been pointed out in the past, men are a tad different than women, and a smart and loving man will remember that. Just because a man is done and ready to move on, for a woman, an important part of the sex has still yet to happen.

Call it afterglow, post-coital snuggling, or plain old intimacy, for most women it is just as important (and sometimes more) than the actual climax itself.

Say it ain't so!!!!

Sorry guys, I've talked to a lot of women and most say the same thing. The moments after sex are the time to show us we aren't just pieces of meat to dip your wick in. Now comes the special loving that makes what we did...memorable.

All the technique in the world doesn't matter if you leave us feeling as if any two dollar whore would do the same for you.

So what does a smart man do? He reminds himself that sex is a partnership and that all of it is important, and then he teaches himself to take that time to love and cuddle afterwards.

I remember having this discussion once with my own hunky honey. He was the champ of the roll-over. Well, not actually the roll-over. He'd just fall asleep. *smile* On top, under, beside--it didn't matter. When he found his release, his body said, nighty-night.

I will be the first to admit that pissed me off. Where was the afterglow...the cuddling? For a long time I stewed and was hurt, but finally I'd had enough. When he did it again, I let him have it with both barrels.

And I was shocked to find out he was totally without a clue. He wasn't being uncaring or rude. He loved me. But as far as he was concerned, he was doing what was natural. Once the fireworks fizzled, we had a long talk and it was at that point we both began to learn.

I learned not to assume he knew what I needed and he learned he had some studying to do.

That was years ago and it's held us in good stead and when we are intimate, he's learned not only that it's important to snuggle, but he's actually grown to like it and need it. How cool is that?

Now is this always true?

Of course not. Sometimes quickies are fun too. You're on your way out to an important dinner, he gets that gleam in his eyes and takes you hard and fast against the bathroom door. Or you see him at the grill and for some reason that manly stance makes you drool, so you pull him down on the porch and have your wicked way with him while the hamburgers cook.

You may not have time for that post-coital affection that you want, but a smart woman knows that. Take the slap and tickle, give him a bite on the chin and saunter away like you do it all the time.

Give and take in sex, as in any relationship is what make things work. The bottom line need to be more aware of a woman's needs, and women can't be afraid to tell them what those needs are. And the clincher is...listen.

Men, listen and understand that to us you rolling over is the same as if we were having sex and we walked away before you had a chance to orgasm. Coitus Interruptus.

Women, communicate and don't stew in silence. If he doesn't listen than he may not be the man of your dreams. If he does listen and changes his ways, you have a winner.

He's already great at sex, right? Now he's good at making love. And to me, those are two very different things.

For more information on Lee Jenkins and his book Female Orgasms Black Book, click on the title. I think I'm going to pick one up just out of curiosity. He also has other articles that you might be interested in as well, so check them out as well.

Good loving all!


Have a good technique or pet peeve you want to share?  Let me know in the comments below.  I'll be back on Friday with guest blogger Eva Gordon and we'll see what she has to share!

Hugs to all,

CJ England

Follow Your Dreams


Harlie Williams said...

Lee is very smart. I've actually read his books and he is right on target. Thanks for sharing.

CJ England said...

Thanks, Harlie,

I agree 100%. He's dead on with his thoughts. I just hope more people learn his lessons.

Phylis said...

One of the most important things Michael does for me after all is said and done is that we snuggle. Even if it isn't longer than 5-10 minutes it's great. Especially because the whole time his hands are rubbing up and down my arms or my back. I feel very loved at that time.

Shawna Thomas said...

I loved this blog post, CJ! Communication and honesty is as much foreplay as kissing and... well, you know. ; )

CJ England said...


I love the cuddle time. Afterwards when we are finished and just relaxing. Jon will nuzzle my throat and hold me tight.

It's the part that binds us closer and is just, as if not more important than the act itself.

CJ England said...

Thanks, Lynne,

I agree. So much pain and confusion would be unnecessary if we just communicated more with our lovers.

I think, even after all this time, there is still a block against doing so. And that is just sad. Takes away from what COULD be.

Kelley Heckart said...

The title did catch my attention. lol

Lee makes a great point about communication. Guys are different and don't know they are pissing us off unless we tell them.

CJ England said...

That is so right CC.

And I have to say even when we talk it out sometimes it takes a while to get through their thick heads. LOL

But then I have to say sometimes I'm so emotional trying to understand me is like slogging through quicksand.

Luckily he loves me enough to keep trying.