Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Shy, Loner, or Introvert???

Hey all,

It's time for another guest blogger. Today I have the honor of introducing one of my best writing buddies on the planet. He and I met early in my career and we've been friends ever since. We've been through a lot over the years--dealing with crazy publishers, fans, yahoo lists and even those ever popular "dangly bits." (Bet you wondered if I'd sneak that in!! LOL)

He's a great writer, a wonderful friend and an all around awesome guy... D. Musgrave

As an introduction, he writes this on his website...

You all have seen me at one time or another. I was that kid in the back of the classroom, staring out the window. They called it daydreaming back in my time, now they would probably diagnose me as having ADD. The truth? Even then I was working. I grew up being told more often than not that daydreaming was a waste of time.

What a crock that turned out to be. Those wild, fanciful dreams were to one day become the fodder for the erotic tales that now flow onto the pages of my stories.

Is it any wonder I love his work and we get along so great? He's a dreamer, too!!! He writes in many genres, but like me, believes it's about the story...not the genre. So everyone, please join me in welcoming a fellow dreamer...

D. Musgrave!!!!


Shy, loner, or introverted, which one is it? It's a question I've asked and been asked many times. These may seem to mean the same thing, but in truth, they are very different. Often people can be any one or two of these types without being another.

Some people have called me mysterious, some have accused me of being cold and distant. How do you explain that being quiet and inward is not the same as being shy or a loner? Can someone be introverted and not shy? Is it possible to need aloneness to be more extroverted? For me the answer to this question is a resounding yes. I don't just want time alone, I require it.

Without time to delve into my own internal dialog, I become antsy and irritable. It's not that I'm aloof or arrogant. Just the opposite in fact, I crave meaningful dialog with interesting people. Yet I'm quickly bored by small talk, boasting, gossip, and puritanical viewpoints from people who aren't open to differing stances.

Yet what do you tell people if you're a writer? By the nature of the craft, it often requires being alone with oneself and the work of writing. That lends itself to being introverted. But is it an enforced introversion or rather something many writers prefer? As there are no hard and fast rules as in an all or nothing statement that all writers are introverts, the same can be said that not all introverted people are shy.

My regular working and daily life requires me to be extroverted and outgoing. I often have to conduct meetings, training classes, and discussions with groups of people. It's not my favorite thing to do, but its part of the territory. Luckily, I am adept at this type of work, which appears to be in opposition to how some people have tried labeling me.

So how does one explain to others who see me playing the role of the outgoing extrovert that I need and occasionally prefer being alone? I wished I knew. All I can say is that I have to be a broken record that being alone is my form of "me" time and that being alone does not equal being lonely. I need it for more than just my writing, yet it's integral to keeping me balanced.

But what if someone weren't introverted, but rather painfully shy to the extent they had trouble enjoying their lover? Is it something that can be overcome with help?

I address that very issue in the second story in my Sexual Healing Series. Too Shy tells the story of a woman who experiences debilitating shyness. Available in April, 2010 from Phaze Ebooks. To read an excerpt of that story, go HERE

D. Musgrave

The reader is entertained by the journey of another, but the writer is the changer of worlds.
D'ni proverb.

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Hey babe,

I'm so glad you dropped by and joined us. I found myself nodding all the way through your blog. "That's me," I was saying. "He's nailed it." That type of insight is why this man's books are so absorbing. He isn't just putting words on paper, he's putting down true emotion. I know I'll be ready to see how he handles the agony of shyness in his new book! In fact, I can't wait!!!

I'll be back on Friday with another blog. This one a bit of a rant on foreigners in a different country!!

CJ England
Follow Your Dreams


Ray said...

Maybe you're just a well rounded personality. Even the most extroverted persons need down time.

Good blog


Jude Mason said...

Nice blog post, D. I've known you for years too, so none of this surprises me in the least.

Now, about those dangly bits... snicker!


Anne Rainey said...

Hey, D! Nice blog! I couldn't resist coming over and seeing what you had to say. You blog so rarely! :)


Anonymous said...

Hi DJ, I recently joined CJsaysFollowYourDream Group and have enjoyed reading your emails.
Interesting blog… I’m not a writer and I don’t think I’m predominantly introverted and/or shy though for the latter two, I’m sure that at times I’m either or both. But I can totally relate to needing alone time on a regular basis with no connection to feeling lonely. I’m most comfortable and at peace when alone. It does seem that the older I got, the more I appreciated my ‘alone time’.
IMHO, I think the basic problem comes into play when people try to fit individuals into labels. Labels are descriptive, limited, limiting, and useful for discussing or identifying general concepts. I would say that ‘alone time’ is good for everyone = generally speaking that is ; - >.
Sara J. ~ : - ]
P.S. CJ, I’m confus├ęd . . . You said “That’s me” about D’s blog ~ Were you saying you are an introvert and/or shy and/or lonely and/or need ‘alone time’’?

Unknown said...

Great blog D! You've obviously spent a lot of time thinking about this stuff.
I wasn't surprised by much about you but I've known you for a few years. :0)
I can't wait to read your new story!

Phylis said...

Great thoughts Derek. I understand the "me" time. I need it every now and then. It's a rejuvinating time for me. I think you know who you are and don't need to worry about anyone else's labels.

D. Musgrave said...

Thanks for the comments, everyone.
D. Musgrave